This blog post has been rattling around in my head all day. Even now I don’t know exactly what it is I want to write, so for now I’ll just write and hope the words make sense.
Most of my blog readers know that we lost our youngest son almost 15 months ago. Nothing can ever prepare a parent for the loss of their child and there really are no words that can take away the pain. Yet, kind words do ease the pain and do give comfort, even 15 months later.
Time does do it’s job, although slowly. As time has passed, the grief has lessened or at least become more bearable. However, it’s still there and it raises back to the surface during those moments, those days or those events that cause us to think, feel and remember the child we’ve lost.
For me, today has been that moment, that day and that event. You see, 23 years ago today I gave birth to Ben. He arrived 3 weeks early at 6 lbs and 18 inches in length. He was a beautiful baby who grew to be a beautiful little boy and a handsome young man. He was in this world early and then he was gone too soon.
I have felt a mother’s pain that has at times been unimaginable. A pain that has taken my breath away. I will forever feel those twinges of grief and pain. I will continue to think of him every day. I will forever love and miss him. And as time continues to do his job, I will find that the tears I now shed when I think of him will turn to smiles. Time will one day allow me to even laugh when I think of the funny things he did or said. But that time has not yet arrived and I think of him today with tears as I remember the baby boy I held for the first time who is gone too soon.
Happy Birthday Ben! I love you and miss you more than words can adequately express!!