On Monday evening the girls left.

On Tuesday, I was heading back from Illinois and received two calls from our agency with possible placements.  Because I wouldn’t be home for a few more hours, they looked elsewhere.

I arrived home early Tuesday evening and later than evening got another call from our agency.   We accepted the placement, but before our agency could get us approved, another family was selected.

On Wednesday I received two more phone calls, but didn’t accept either placement.

On Thursday, the entire day went by without a call from our agency.  After dinner, our agency called again with another potential placement.  We accepted and around 8:00 p.m. CPS came to our door with a 2-yr-old little boy.  On Monday, we’ll be getting his newborn baby brother from the hospital.

Each placement is special and challenging in different ways.  You begin learning more about the lives of these children as time goes on and my heart breaks for each of them.  No child should endure neglect or abuse, but it happens all too often.

For the little boy we have now (who I’ll AC for privacy), we are quickly figuring out what his home life.  He has learned many things that we’ll be working to correct.  I’ll need to take him in for testing to determine where he is developmentally.  He is getting used to having two older children in his daily life, which is new for him.  Soon, he’ll be getting used to having a baby brother here as well.  He must get used to new rules or possibly rules for the first time.  He is trying to get to know our family in the same way we’re getting to know him.  This is a lot for adults, let alone a two-year-old.

When certain behaviors arise, I have to remind myself that he is two and going thru more than any child should endure right now.

Parenting is challenging.  Foster parenting adds another layer to parenting challenges and we must do our best to make sure this little boy and his brother are given love, stability and a chance to reach their fullest potential while in our care.  We don’t know how long we are given to positively impact these little lives, so we must make the most of each and every day.

After getting word that the judge granted placement of our foster daughters to their grandmother, we finally found out last Thursday that they would be moving the following Monday.  To say the timing was bad, would be an understatement as we had plans to go to Galveston and then on to Illinois from there the following day.  It was a trip that couldn’t be rescheduled, so we had to make a decision on whether or hubby stayed home or I stayed with the girls while the other travelled.  Eventually, we decided hubby would stay and I would make the trip.

On Friday morning, we got up early, got dressed, packed the van and got ready to leave.  Our precious foster daughters were still asleep, so I gave them each a kiss and told them good-bye.  Not how I wanted to say good-bye, but waking them was just not an option.

I loaded Lili, Naomi and our Illinois visitors into the van and as I was putting the address in the GPS, hubby walked out with baby girl.  I saw her and tears began rolling down my cheeks.

This baby came to us at 5 months old.  She was a little behind developmentally and going thru withdrawal from exposure to meth.  I was now saying good-bye to an 8-month-old, who was sitting up, scooting herself around on her bottom (like Lili did as a baby), and who had become very attached to us.  She grew and changed so much in three short months and saying good-bye was breaking this momma’s heart into pieces.

I got out of the van with tears streaming down my cheeks and took her from hubby.  I kissed her chubby little cheeks, told her how much I loved and said good-bye.  Then we passed her to the girls so they could say good-bye.

She had absolutely no idea what was going on and wasn’t expecting her life to change yet again.  Yet is was and I could only hope that it was changing for the better since she would be with biological family.

I got everyone settled and climbed back in the van when hubby brought out big sister.  She had woken up and was sitting in the living room when he went back in the house.

Tears again began flowing down my cheeks as I watched her say good-bye to Lili and Naomi.  She was so stoic and then she turned to me.  I picked her up and she began to sob.  She did understand what was about to happen and she had very mixed emotions about it.  She had grown to love us as much as we had grown to love her.  She found her place in our family.  She felt safe, secure and loved.  Now she was saying good-bye to three of members of the family she spent the most time with in the three months she was with us.  I was her mommy for three months and she called me mommy.  Again, I had to send her off hoping her life would somehow be better.

When our son died, someone described the pain of losing a loved one as an open hole in your heart in the shape of that person.  The edges are raw and painful in the beginning.  Then over time the edges began to heal, but that hole remains to never be filled again.

Fortunately though, the heart grows bigger, so there is always room for more love.

My heart grew with these little girls in my life, but now has two more holes.  Pieces of my heart, in the shape of two beautiful little girls have gone with them.

When we got home Tuesday evening, the girls were gone.  The house feels much larger and is very quiet, yet no one can take away the memories I have of the time we were together.

They have moved on and now we wait for our lives to be filled again with other children who need the love and safety of a new home and family.  Not children to replace our precious little girls, but children who will help our hearts grow as we learn to love and accept them into our family.

Foster care means moving on, while never forgetting those who have touched our lives.

 

Last week we were informed that the girls would be leaving us this week.  It’s now Thursday night and they are still with us.  We don’t want them to leave, so we’re happy things didn’t work out as we were told.  However, today we were informed that they will be leaving Monday.  Inspections and paperwork will be completed tomorrow and we will be given a pick up time for Monday.

We are very sad to see them go, but what makes this even more difficult is that we had plans to leave tomorrow for a trip to the beach and then to Illinois from there.  Our summer visitors from Illinois have been here for the last couple of weeks and it’s time for them to return home, so plans had to change.  Instead of traveling together as a family, hubby will be staying home to take care of our foster daughters while Lili, Naomi and I hit the road.

Not the best timing, but foster care changes happen and we had to be flexible for the sake of these little girls that were entrusted to us.  If we were to all go to Illinois, they would have been put in respite care and then taken from respite and moved to grandma on Monday while we are gone.  That would simply be cruel.  They deserve to stay in the home they’ve known for the last three months until they move to be with their other siblings and grandmother.

So tonight will be the last night I spend with these precious little girls.  They will forever have a piece of my heart and I send them off hoping that they know how much I love and care for them.

 

On May 9th, we received a call asking us to take in two little girls as a foster placement.

After almost 3 months in our home and lives, they will be leaving.  They will not be returning to mom and dad, but will go live with grandma.

I have a ton of mixed emotions about this move, many are selfish, but some are legitimate concerns.  Still, I have to hold on to the hope that all will work out well for these little ones and that we’ve been a positive influence in their young lives.

Sometime between Tuesday and Thursday, their case worker will come to pick them up and take them to grandma.  Until then, we will continue to love and care for them

We will miss them dearly and cherish the time we’ve had with them, then sadly, it won’t be long after that our agency calls us with another placement.  Once again we will be caring for children who need a safe and loving environment while their parents work on challenges in their own lives.

This is the life of foster families and foster children across America and as much as I wish there was no need for foster care, I’m happy we are able to be one of the thousands of homes for these children.