Tomorrow, Baby Girl’s case goes back to court. The really difficult part of these court dates is the unknown.
I know she will not be returning to mom any time soon, but last month I sat on pins and needles waiting to hear whether or not she would be removed from our care and placed in the care of her aunt. Since the other children we had went to family members, I was quite shocked when I was told her aunt failed the home study.
This time I sit on pins and needles waiting to hear whether or not she will be removed from our care and placed in the care of a friend of moms.
In Texas, there is a lot of effort put into placing foster children with other family members (kinship) or with friends of the biological family (fictive kinship). Logically, I get it. Well to a point I get it. There are certainly situations that don’t necessarily make sense to me, but for the most part I understand why it’s important to keep familial connections. Emotionally, it’s much more difficult.
It’s this part of foster care that causes many people to say, “I could never be a foster parent.” A child moves into your home and life. You care for that child. You get to know that child. You begin to love that child and that love grows. Then one day you find yourself packing their things and handing them over to a case worker because they are being moved to live with a family member, a family friend, or in the best case scenario, back to mom and/or dad.
I will not sugar coat it. It is not easy at all!!!
So why do we put ourselves thru this?
For me, it is the realization that as much as my heart breaks when I have to say good-bye, foster children have more than just heart-break. They are removed from the care of their parent(s) which means on top of heart-break they feel fear, confusion, and uncertainty. They grieve the loss of their family, friends, home, pets and the life they knew.
These kid’s lives are turned upside-down and it’s my job to help them turn their lives rightside-up again.
So I do this because they need me to help them feel safe and sure. They need to feel love and security. They need some assurance that no matter what happens, they will be okay.
You see, this isn’t about me and what I can’t do or about my fear of having my heart-broken. Foster parents “will” have their heart broken over and over again. This is about the thousands of children in foster care who need me to put aside my fear of a broken heart so I can help mend little broken hearts.
While I would love to have baby girl stay in our care, what I want really isn’t a factor in what the case worker or judge will decide. All I can do is love her while I have her. Yes, there will be heart break and lots of tears, but at the same time I will be prepared to open my arms wide for the next little one whose heart is in need of mending.