On Saturday morning, hubby took FS1 and FS2 to their new foster home. To say it was an emotional day would be a gross understatement. FS1 was in tears as the enormity of what was happening and the fact that mom was crying, began to sink in. From the day we learned we would be moving, I began having conversation with him about what was going on and why they would be leaving our care. He fluctuated between tears and joy that he was moving to a new foster home. After all, he has learned that the grass may be green on the other side of the fence. He left a violent family life for our home and the grass was greener for him here, so why not there. However, even after several conversations on why he was moving, he still didn’t seem to comprehend the reason he was leaving and thought it was due to his behavior. It broke my heart even more because I never want him to believe he can do something that would cause anyone to send him away. So we had another conversation about why he and his brother were leaving and I immediately sent a note to his therapist and asked that she continue to help him understand that we do love him and if it wasn’t for hubby’s new job, they would still be with us.
FS2 just thought he was going bye-bye and very happily waved bye-bye and gave me kisses. I’m sure he thought he was just going on a little adventure with dad and would see me later. There is just no way a newly turned two-year old can understand that he isn’t coming back and if we see him again in the future, he probably won’t remember us. My heart is still breaking and will continue to hurt for quite some time. I’m guessing his heart will be hurting as well and I wish I could take that hurt away for both of the boys. The fact is, foster care really SUCKS and these little guys have experienced more hurt than any child should have to endure. Adding to their hurt is the last thing I ever wanted to do, yet our first responsibility must always be doing what is within the best interest of our family and that is something that anyone going into foster care must always remember.
We were a family of six for 15 1/2 months and now we are back to a family of four getting ready to embark on a journey, that in and of itself is highly emotional. A journey that begins in 18 days and after the tears have dried, we’ll smile and remember.